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I am alive, what the f*ck?! About meaning and how life wants to express itself through you.

Why is this life happening? What is my role in this mysterious thing we call life? Why and how am I able to experience and participate? No one asked me to join or gave me any explanation, so what the f*ck?!

Without any firm believe in a religion, or guidance from a guru or an enlightened parent these questions can -and will- have an overwhelming effect. In this western culture we are no longer rooted in believes, we don’t feel connected to something bigger than ourselves and the romantic approach to dive into love and the mystery of life has little foundation in modern society. This society teaches us to focus on goals and how to move from A to B, how to be successful, how to create a secured lifestyle and how to achieve… Wait a second, how to achieve what? If we follow societies ladder and move from step to step, it somehow feels like some kind of a reward is waiting for us at the end of the ladder. Right? So we keep on climbing the ladder, no questions asked. This is, in a nutshell, the general and modern approach of life's journey I guess. I would like to call this ladder: “THE SLEEPWALKER’S LADDER”.

Writing the above makes me very sad and I can feel the collective emptiness and the dark places of my own emptiness from the time I was climbing this ladder myself. To climb this ladder is a scary, cold, depressing and lonely task, for it has no MEANING and FULFILMENT.

MEANING and FULFILMENT. In my opinion these two words are huge and have enormous value. But HEY!? Where are they in this society? What was/is there place in the world I grew up in? Where these words mentioned even once during my childhood and primary school period? Where are they?? WHERE?? ? ….?

And here I tumble down onto the edge of this society’s madness. Humankind, on the sleepwalker’s ladder, without meaning, as an unstoppable monster, grasping blindly to fill its unfillable emptiness.... A tear wells up, dear mother, please help.

There is no reward at the end of the ladder. The reward lies in the now, the moment you live in right now. The only place you will ever be able to feel or do anything is now.

To be able to awaken and pauze on the sleepwalker’s ladder, to just look around and ask yourself “But?”, “What?”, “Why?”, you will need a very loud scream of something deep inside of you. A warrior has to step forward and claim TRUTH. In the reality of daily life this means you start questioning things around you and you are no longer able to continue climbing the ladder any longer on autopilot. You will fail continuing climbing the steps. Although I see this as the “Warrior of Truth” stepping forward, in daily life this will likely been called a “CRISIS”, ‘DEPRESSION” or “BURNOUT” and very likely been treated as a terrible thing happening, which has to be treated and cured like a disease. Maybe an abnormal blood test or some kind of disbalance of neurotransmitters in the brain will be pointed out as the cause. Some advice on planning, a holiday and medication will likely help you to overcome this disease and will help you to become healthy again. The sleepwalkers ladder needs you to be healthy ofcourse. Hush, Hush, be healthy, just the climb the ladder and everything can go back to normal, for all of us.

For some warriors this will hush them back into sleeping mode, in a dormant state as long as it is comforted by the promise of the reward at the end of the ladder. But some warriors will keep on questioning and scream, fight and cry until full awakening is realized.

This process is called, or I would like to call this process(because there is no single definition); “Spiritual Awakening”. An impulse to start living life by the heart and to open your eyes to the mystery and wonders around you. An awakening to the longing and knowing of a connection to something more and bigger than yourself.

A process in which we can no longer continue on the sleepwalker’s ladder, which the external world has presented for us. But a process which we will have to continue by looking inside of ourselves and climb down into the realms of our hearts. By becoming silent and listen to the longings of our heart, we can connect to life itself, we can find love and truth, which will set us free. If we open up to our hearts, we will be able to find meaning and fulfilment and -with mission- climb the unfolding ladder of the unknown, into the mysteries of the universe. To learn that we are consciousness, experiencing its own marvelous beauty, wealth, craziness, love and pain.

The entrance to the path is our vulnerability and our courage to ask for help and guidance.

The guidance on this path is our body, our emotions, our joys and our fears. And ofcourse our teachers and fellow human beings. It won’t be easy and we will need lots of Love and Truth to keep us going.

We, the grass, the trees, the flowers, the animals, the stones, the earth, we are all an expression of life. Unique in our individual bodies, caracter, humor and talents, but ONE in the source and in the impuls to be alive and experience. Love and respect for everything that is alive is a very normal and logical consequence of realizing who you are.

If I just am, I am truth, I am love, I am the universe, and I am you as well.


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